June 2, 1999 - Redneck Jedi
You know you’re a redneck Jedi if…
- You ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”
- Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
- You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill.
- At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
- You have bantha horns on the front of your land speeder.
- You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
- You have ever had an X-Wing up on blocks in your yard.
- The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
- Wookies are offended by your B.O.
- You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.
- You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
- Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the dark side… it’ll be a hoot.”
- You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
- You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land speeder.
- You think Han Solo would look better in a flannel cause he looks a little sissy in that vest.
- You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
- You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
- Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
- You ever fell in love with your sister.
- You have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader’s evil empire as “them damn Yankees.”
- You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
- You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a red wood deck.
- You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.
- In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow “just ain’t right.”