July 31, 2001 - More Stupid Warnings
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed:
- On Sears hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping.” (Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair)
- On a bag of Fritos: “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.” (Evidently, the shoplifter special)
- On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (And that would be how…?)
- On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestions: Defrost.” (But it’s just a suggestion)
- On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): “Do not turn upside down.” (Oops, too late!)
- On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.” (As night follows the day…)
- On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” (But wouldn’t this save even more time?)
- On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts)
- On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (One would hope)
- On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (As opposed to what?)
- On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.” (I gotta admit, I’m curious)
- On Sainsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: Contains nuts.” (NEWS FLASH!!!)
- On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: Fly Delta)
- On a child’s Superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.” (I don’t blame the company, I blame parents for this one)
- On a Swedish chain saw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.” (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?… good grief)
- On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: “Do not use on food.” (Hey Mom we’re out of syrup! It’s OK honey just grab the Palmolive!)
- On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: “If swallowed contact poison control.” (Oh please, have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?)
- On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: “Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.” (Hey kids, no more swimming in the washing machine… Awww, you mean we have to use the swimming pool?)
- On the bottom of a Calico butane lighter: “Do not use near fire or flame.” (Then what’s the point of getting one?)